What is your definition of courage? I used to see courage only in grandiose acts such as saving lives or doing something radically bold and risky. Until I learned to appreciate other versions of courage, not as loud and shiny but no less compelling.
And what does it mean to be strong? When I look back over the last eight years since my daughter was born, I can count on one hand the times when I needed support AND actually asked for help. Though I wish I could say it made me stronger, it didn’t. Exhaustion, resentment, anger and isolation often showed up as side effects of trying to do everything on my own. And these are not the hallmarks of strength, in my humble opinion.
Cultivating the “quiet” way
Courage and strength hold great power to transform our lives, though they deserve to be redefined. The narrow frame to which they’ve been reduced in our culture is robbing them of their true power. To help with the reframe, I am calling this upgraded version “quiet courage and strength”, but feel free to add you own adjective here. This is what I’m referring to:
The courage and the strength to ask for what you need or to reach out for help.
The courage and the strength to rest, to drop the to-do’s, to be idle.
The courage and the strength to carry on when you’re challenged or to leave something behind when it no longer works.
The courage and the strength to say no more often, or to say yes despite the uncertainty.
The courage and the strength to “course-correct”, change goals when they no longer align with how you want to contribute.
The courage and the strength to grow through what you go through, instead of victimising yourself.
The courage and the strength to define success on your terms instead of letting others do it for you.
The courage and the strength to own up to your mistake and to apologise.
This type of courage and strength, over time, builds your inner authority and provides a fertile ground for resilience to bloom. It helps you live skillfully in a world where change is the norm.
Building resilience together
Cultivating quiet courage and strength requires the willingness to acknowledge and move through your emotions, to lean into trust and to open yourself up to receiving support.
“Vulnerability is the birthplace of courage”
Brene Brown
In a society where independence is seen as the holy grail, where being strong means you should rely on yourself at all costs and never ask for help, it is important to remember that strength and resilience actually thrive in community.
I love these words from Soraya Chemaly, the author of “The Resilience Myth”:
“The crux of the cult of individualism is the belief in a hypermasculinised self-sufficiency that ends up making being human — having needs (being needy), needing to be cared for (being dependent), being vulnerable (being “weak”) — impossible. (…) No one is resilient alone, at all times, and in all situations. Resilience is a dynamic process and it is healthier and more accurate to say that we take turns being resilient for one another.”
When you ask for help, you allow others to step up and rise to the occasion, reconnecting with the gifts of our shared humanness along the way and building resilience together. Seen through that lens, asking for help is not only courageous but also a clear strength, one that can potentially alleviate the pain of anxiety, depression and burnout at a collective level. A strength that reveals the gifts of our interconnectedness.
How will you reframe courage and strength in your own life?
If you’re keen to embrace a shift of perspective in any area of your life and need guidance, I’d love to support you. You can find out more about my services here.