Fear is pesky and persistent. If left unmanaged, it will happily take over and prevent you from enjoying life and living in alignment with what matters most to you.
And let’s face it, fear is…scary! Our default mode of operation is to stay positive: “don’t look at the fear, focus on what you want to attract instead”. I don’t think it’s a helpful response. If we never investigate or question our fear, it stays in control.
“Our deepest fears are like dragons guarding our deepest treasure.”
Rainer Maria Rilke
Here are some fear-slaying tools and resources to help you create greater awareness and keep your fear in check.
Face your fear
There are three main types of fear we are likely to confront again and again in our lives: fear of loss of safety, fear of loss of control, and fear of loss of approval. These will often drive us to take on specific roles in order to protect ourselves. Maybe you step into the victim role when you’re in the grips of the unknown and are afraid of losing control. Perhaps you become a roaring lion, or you transform into Wonder Woman, relentlessly rescuing everything and everyone…
Get to know your fear. What does this part of you look like? What is it trying to protect you from? Does it look like someone you know? Does it speak in a familiar voice? If it was a character from a movie or a cartoon, who would it be?
This step helps you observe your fear, instead of being completely identified with it. And when you take some distance from your fear, you can reclaim your power over it.
Try the fear setting exercise
Tim Ferris, the American author and entrepreneur, came up with this brilliant exercise to counter the paralysing effect of fear earlier in his life. It includes three parts:
- Part 1: write down your fear (or if you’re feeling brave write down all the fears that keep you stuck). First, imagine the worst-case scenario for each fear. Ideally, you want to come up with more than one. Then, write down all the things you could do to prevent each of the worst-case scenarios from happening (or the likelihood of them happening). Lastly, think about all the things you could do to repair the damage, or the people you could ask for help, if the worst-case scenario did happen. In this part, you’re trying to find out: has anyone else in the history of time figured this out? Chances are, yes they have!
- Part 2: write down the benefits of attempting to do or ask for the thing you are afraid of. Even if only partial success was a possible outcome, what would be the benefits in your life?
- Part 3: write down the cost of your inaction. List everything you can think of (emotional, physical, financial, etc.). Here, you’re trying to answer the question: “If I avoid this action or decision, what might my life look like in 6 months or a year from now?”
If you’d like to hear him describe the exercise and how he came up with it, here’s the link to his Ted Talk.
Release your fear
I believe in the power of rituals to move through emotions, stuckness, or anything that keeps us out of alignment. A ritual is something you engage with regularly, a practice that you come back to whenever you need it.
Burning your fears is a powerful ritual. It is about declaring your intention to let go of something that is taking up too much space in your life, that doesn’t influence your actions and decisions in a positive way. There are many ways in which you can perform this ritual safely, with as much or as little creativity as you like. Writing your fear(s) down on paper and using the gentle flame of a candle or a lighter to burn them will do the trick. Remember your intention is what matters here.
Another powerful ritual is to feel where the fear is located in your body, spend some time observing the sensation that accompanies it and intentionally move that energy downwards, through the soles of your feet and out into the earth beneath you. If you can do it barefoot, outside, that’s even better. Trust your intuition here and the images that come up for you as you do it. It can be beneficial to be guided through this visualisation by a therapist if you don’t feel comfortable with embodiment practices.
What would love say?
Fear sets up a chain reaction in the nervous system. When your “fight or flight” response is activated, it can be hard to come back to a sense of safety and connection.
The good news is, love is the antidote to fear. What can you do to reconnect with love when fear becomes too loud? What is it that brings you back to comfort and openness? Is it a piece of music? Is it your dear friend’s voice? Or perhaps a walk in nature, a yoga class, cuddles with your child or a beloved pet. If you enjoy guided meditations, I particularly like this “quick coherence technique” by the Heart Math institute. A great way to drop into the heart when you find yourself spiralling into fear. And once a little more softness and calm is available to you, ask yourself: “what would love say?”.
I hope you will enjoy experimenting with these tools. And please remember: your aim is to work WITH fear, not get rid of it entirely. I love how Liz Gilbert speaks to her fear in her book Big Magic. She addresses it directly by saying:
“There’s plenty of room in this vehicle for all of us, so make yourself at home, but understand this: creativity and I are the only ones who will be making any decisions along the way. I recognise and respect that you are part of this family, and so I will never exclude you from our activities, but still—your suggestions will never be followed. You’re allowed to have a seat, and you’re allowed to have a voice, but you are not allowed to have a vote.”
If you need support to explore and work with your fear, please reach out. You can find out more about my work here.